To all you who follow me, or my posts, or are randomly stumbling upon my blog, I am back!
from where you may ask? My mothers house! (I live with my dad...got kicked out of my moms house for cutting, but thats a different story for a different day!)
Any who, at my mothers house there is no internet, so my blogging had to be put on pause, but for any of you who also follow my twitter, i was updating that from my cellular device! also, there is no tv...only a portable dvd player. so for a month, i lived "amish style" as my frinds called it. what i did for entertainment? window shopped, experimented with makeup (tutorials and how to's to come soon!), made clothes, sold clothes, went for walks, went for jogs, baked cupcakes (and a lot...i may post my recipe!) and texted to keep up with the ever evolving worlds of my teenaged friends
i also got the oppertunity to spend more time outdoors, and re-discover the true power in my music to annoy the other members of my household (screamo and dubstep can do that!)
but now, i am back to the humble internet having, functional tv having, massive stereo included home with my father and my cat (who recently got fixed and was a conehead for a week...funniest thing ever if i must say so!) and now, i can keep any of you readers up to speed with my fast pace life!
ps...modelling interview in september....yaaaay!:D
todays a meh kinda day...woke up, showered and started cleaning my room...organised nailpolishes going from purple, blue, green, pink, red, gold, multicoloured glitter, white, clear, and black.
things are going well for me in life right now i guess...school starts on the sixth of september...cant wait actually...i have a good year (first term; vocals, art, fashion, math second term; guitar, english, marketing, parenting)
im determined to get honours again, for the third year.
also, my birthday is in 26 days (september 18th), so i'm excited for that...i'm hoping for a sewing machine and a serger and some makeup and other sewing things, as well as a new laptop as mine barely functions at the moment.
as of last sunday as well i have a boyfriend...he's a great guy...really nice...treats me well...big step up from my ex (he was verbally and physically abussive, and he held me down and pretty much raped me three times) my new boyfriend respects me, and is really sweet...he tells me that i'm beautiful everyday
if you ask me, every girl deserves that. someone who tells them they are beautiful every day, and shows that they truely care about them.
this last weeked i was at my moms house...things are a bit better between us...not as much friction since she broke up with her boyfriend
my sister and i made up (didnt blog about the fight...it was pretty bad...words were said to me that were said out of anger and frustration that werent truely meant and some of my actions towards her, which, were self defence, but they were still unexceptable) and things are a bit better between us as well...not perfect though. but she has a new boyfriend now as well.
my stepmom went to the doctors and got some tests done, and turns out she was wrongly diagnosed with a blood disorder, and her liver is not and will not be failing her, but now they arent sure of what is wrong
my brother is back packing and couch surfing throught europe, hes currently in england...he went to oxford the other day.
i am still unemployed, but im only fifteen...but i need a job!
also, lately i've really gotten into doing my makeup (drifting away from my basic winged black eyeliner) and have done some really cool different styles.
after my birthday, as well i am (finally) getting my bellybutton peirced, and in october my dad is allowing me to dye the tips of my hair rainbow ombre
oh, and did i mention...after my birthday....my g1...excited and nervous for that! more nervous for when i have to learn to parallel park..seems scary!
and, just because. i made a great purchase the other day. for any canadians reading, you know the brand joe fresh. well, for $3.33, i got the perfect tiffany blue nail polish! (joe fresh polish in mint)
anywho...thats just an update for now...im going to go check on my garden and pick some hot peppers, so i will write again later
So part of my family is rich. Big house, fancy stuff, spoiled rotten. My immediate family is the exact opposite. Yesterday was my cousins sweet sixteen...they went all out...spent roughly over $4,000. that money could have been better spent on other things. but any ways...she invited me and two other girls that don't go to her school. the three of us hung out the whole night. completely ignored by my cousin and today? well today she tried using us as personal butlers! ah man. some people are just too stuck up.
when i get older, i want to be a fashion designer. i want to make people happy with my designs. i don't want to be rich. i would love to be successful, but I'm not going to spend tons of money on things that are un-necessary. splurging on something every now and then is fine...everyone deserves a treat now and then, but I'm not going to throw cash away for things i don't need. i want to start a suicide prevention charity, and an animal charity and something for under privileged children in third world countries...i want to make a difference.
next summer for instance. my cousin is going on a trip to Italy and Greece for the shopping. I'm going to a third world country or the Galapagos to do either volunteer environmental work or helping build a school or homeless shelter and teach under privileged children English.
helping people is what makes me happy. i don't need material objects. i hope this little blog article inspired you to make a difference....even if its small
so my lovelies...I'm asking you this...challenge yourself to some self improvement;
eat better, exercise, walk places instead of driving, discover local talent/shops/treasures, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and go out and do some volunteer work!
I, myself have done a bit...i helped mentally challenged children ride horses for rehabilitation...it was a truly touching experience!
well. I've gone and done it again. Fallen for someone. but this time, unusually hard. why some may say this is a good thing. To me its good and bad. hes my best friends ex. shit. i really like him...like potentially love him.it wasn't supposed to happen. we were just supposed to be friends. then we were hanging out and started play wrestling. our eyes met. he pulled me close and put his arm around me and i rested my head on his chest. "you comfy?" he said. "yea" i replied blushing and smiling. "thats good, because im happy when your in my arms" he said. i looked up and smiled. he looked down at me and smiled. then it happened. we kissed. we kept kissing and cuddling and play wrestling and holding eachother the whole night. never once did he make a move to go further. his hand was on my bare knee(i was wearing shorts) and he looked at me sincerily and said "is my hand to high up your leg? i dont want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like im trying to get anything, because im not...i just want you in my arms" aawww! he almost brought me to tears with that. never have i met a guy other than family who respected me that much. now, im in deep thought. how do i tell my friend? she has moved on since him but still...i feel its the right thing to tell her.
any suggestions? it would be oh so very appreciated!
So as you can see, I have a few donation gadgets on my blog. These are all charities that are very close to my heart. Especially the To Write Love On Her Arms Foundation. I myself struggled with depression for many years, as well as many people very close to me. It is hard for me to tell this, but i feel it needs to be said. I want to help others with their depression and cutting, so I will share my stories.
When I was ten, my aunt passed away from cancer. She was more of a mother to me than an aunt. I was with her on the bed when she took her last breaths. I was holding her hand when she left. I tried to give CPR, but it was of no use. The nurse came in and took me away. This was what truly set off my depression. After this incident, I attempted to hang myself. The next day, I woke up in the hospital. As it turns out, my cousin found me and they were able to revive me. From then on, I started cutting and burning. My body has numerous scars. wrists, forearms, ankles, thighs, ribs, hips and a few other places. I have gotten help now, and no longer struggle with cutting and burning, but I would like to help people see that life is truly beautiful and it is worth living for, and there are more ways to take out anger and sadness than harming yourself.
If anyone, and I mean anyone needs help with this struggle, feel free to email me. I want to hear your stories and try and give you help.
So, my dearest followers and friends, lets help make a difference in this world and do a bit of donating! I don't ask for much, just for you to be open hearted and optimistic, and take care of yourself, loved ones, strangers, and our beloved world
Lots of love, Cupcakes N' Cannonballs, A.K.A, Emily.
Oh...wait...I misread the billboard. The rapture? hmm... well I highly doubt flame filled world wide earthquakes will start tonight at six. Honestly, its just another one of those crazy antics like when they thought the world would end in 2000.
So today, I lost a very dear friend of mine. Not a person, but one of my dogs. He was my boy, I had him since I was three. He was 13 years old, and fairly healthy, but I guess it was time for him to go. I was home alone and went to go check on him and my five other dogs and there he lay, motionless in his bed. Today, i burried my best friend :'(
I love you and miss you Taz, your forever in my heart.
It seems that maintaining a healthy relationship in high school is impossible. In my whole school, there is about three couples that have lasted a year+. I always find myself helping my friends with their relationship situations. Everything from advice to the sex talk, they come to me. Just recently, there has been what seems to be a plague of breakups around the school. I, myself was a victim. I had been dating a guy from another school up until Friday of last week. On Friday, I was having a girls night with three of my best friends, when i got the text. After the text came the call making sure i got the text. In the text, he confessed to cheating on me multiple times. Ouch. Not even five hours later, whilst checking my face book, I stumbled upon his new relationship status in my news feed. That bastard is now dating a FORMER friend of mine. Also in the breakup text i received he stated i was too "weird" for him, and that he needed to be single for a while. Weird? The girl he is dating now has half blue and half white hair, she changed her face book name to the name of a Japanese singer, and is overly obsessed with Japanese people. And single? In the words of Chicago's cell block tango, single my ass!
But any how, back to the said "plague" of breakups at my school. A close friend of mine was dating my second cousin. Today I took a long walk with my ex, and best friend as I snapped a few pictures for art class and we chatted about relationships. When i returned home, I checked my face book and the first thing i see on my news feed is that they broke up. This guy was her first love. She had her first time with him. She would do anything in the world for him. Shes completely devastated about this breakup. Back to my walk with my ex, we walked and talked, and things felt like the good old times. It was a gorgeous day, and I was happy to be walking along side him. We talked about our former relationship, that both of us still cling onto a bit. I still have feelings for him, but I'm not sure how he feels about me. I'm too nervous to ask. I think he does, but I will save the asking for another day.